Summary
Understand what truly makes a woman feel safe and how this impacts your experience in the bedroom
Lesson notes
The definition of Emotional safety = It’s safe to feel.
A lot of men don’t realize just how sensitive and feeling-based women are. While our experience as men tends to be dominated by thoughts, hers often tends to be dominated by what she feels.
When it doesn’t feel safe for her to feel due to what’s in our 3rd field or our own lack of emotional safety, she bears the weight of that.
Women tend to feel a lot of what we don’t. She often feels our unhealed wounds far more than we do – Until we do the work to build our own emotional safety within and heal.
Things that make women feel emotionally unsafe:
- Rushing her or trying to force something to happen.
- Treating her like a man, being overly logical/thinking based and not honoring her feeling-based existence (especially when she feels emotional)
- Being insensitive, making crude jokes, treating her like a sexual object or just a body, not feeling her heart in sexual encounters
- Being emotionally reactive, defensive, or triggered, showing her your emotions or hers aren’t safe
- Making promises and not following through or being accountable
- Not creating enough structure in the relationship, like the burden is entirely on her to lead
- Having “leaky” sexual energy, not being fully present or devoted to her
Discussion Questions
Questions to reflect on:
- How much emotional safety was I given as a child to express what I was feeling, including anger and shame? How does that show up in the relationship now?
- What are some ways I avoid or numb my emotions? What helps me feel most safe to sit with them?
- How do I create or hurt my partner’s sense of emotional safety in our relationship? Write them down. Then ask her what she thinks . Don’t be defensive about anything she says. Just take it, write it down, and sit with it. Then make a plan on how you want to be better.
- Listen to the self-love sanctuary meditation (linked below) to help you identify loving resources and connections in your body. Write down what happens after so you can return back to them.