Chapter 4: The Addictions That Steal Your Power + The Mother Wound

As a very young boy, before you could even form words, your mother left a substantial impact on you. One that changed your life forever.

Development psychology and research within that context has shown that babies/toddlers from the ages of 18 months up to 3 years of age are only just starting to develop their sense of identity separate from Mom. You had no sense of self at that age, so your sense of self was tied up with how Mom (and dad) treated you. For many boys (including myself) the lack of needs met from Mom can feelings of being inherently flawed, unworthy, and unlovable well into adulthood. And since the Mother represents unconditional and nurturing love, you developed coping mechanisms to ensure you could get that some how (i.e. substances, porn, etc.).

it’s important to mention that despite your Mother’s best efforts, she wouldn’t have been able to meet all of your needs as a child. Whether your mother was very caring and nurturing, or lack there of, she did the best she knew how. This frame is key for your healing journey, and it is a paradox that must be rectified in order to heal. Your mother may have caused wounding, but she did the best she could. It’s not your fault what happened, but it is your responsibility to work on it and heal. No human escapes this. We are all enveloped in this situation as humans.

Fast forward to adulthood and you’re now a man who uses various substances and behaviours to cope with the discomfort of feeling inherently flawed an unloveable. This of course is not true, because you are inherently worthy and you’re alive for a reason. You have something to do and bring into this world. You have a purpose. However your body doesn’t know that, and this will this will play out until you update your bodily software.

Here are some journaling prompts to reflect on this chapter:

• What was my relationship like with my Mother and how did she make me feel as a boy?
• What needs do I feel I didn’t get met from my Mother?
• What do I do in order to soothe myself when I am feeling stressed, anxious, angry, etc?
• What emotions do I feel when I am doing behaviours that are soothing for me (i.e. is there shame or guilt attached?)
• What does my Inner Boy need in order to feel safe and to know he is unconditional loved an nurtured (by me, the man I am today).