Chapter 12: The Art of Holding Space (Emotionally and Sexually)

There’s just no other way to say it. Holding space is an art. Not a science, an art. Why? because the Feminine energy is not something that con be fully contained and put into a neat and tidy box. This concept os key in order to succesfull hold space for you partner, and that’s what we are going to cover in this video.

There is a very important balancing point that must be addressed within holding space for her. This is not allowing yourself to be treated in ways you do not feel you deserve to be treated. This is not accepting any and all kinds of abusive behaviours where she’s in her wounded little girl. This is not taking on all the responsibility in the relationship to solve every problem, fight, misunderstanding, rupture, etc. It’s simply understanding energy dynamics, putting those into play, whilst honouring and communicating your needs.

It’s understanding that she doesn’t want to me solved, she wants to be met by you in her internal storm. And often that’s more than enough.

For this video, we are going to focus on the nuance of holding space for her and what is required. We’ll also dive into what happens when you get the hang of it, and how it brings more trust and safety into her system, brings deeper trust and surrendering from her in sex.

If she can’t trust you to hold space her in a heated discussion, she won’t feel safe fully relaxing in sex. And over time, that will erode the quality and depth of your sex life. Let’s ensure that doesn’t happen anymore! Looking forward to seeing you in the video.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

Questions to reflect upon after this video lessons:

• List out the ways you normally try to solve and fix your partner instead of simply hold space for her
• List out the excuses you make when she’s expressing her emotions instead of just hearing her out
• List out the needs you feel aren’t being met in your relationship, and set a date + time with your partner to chat about the most important one
• List our the boundaries you feel are being crossed by your partner (whether consciously or unconsciously) and how it’s impacting your ability to show up with presence and love for her.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

Actionable Item:

• Invite a conversation with your partner and the topic of holding space. and ask her:
  • What does it mean to her?
  • What kinds of ways can you show up in ruptures or when she’s overwhelmed that would help her most?
  • What actions help her feel most supported?
  • What ways are you showing up now or lately that have made her feel like you’re holding space for her
• Then she if she’s willing to hear form you and share:
  • Boundaries that you’d like to not have crossed in times of conflict/tension (i.e. name calling, absolutes, threats, storming out of room, etc.)
  • If there any needs you have that would help you to show up with more presence for her (i.e. giving me a hug when I get home from work, offering me a compliment before the constructive feedback, etc.)