Summary
What really pushes couples apart and how emotional disconnection affects your sex life
Lesson notes
A lot of guys think sex is about how good looking, muscular, or impressive you are.
Wrong.
The reality of your relationship is that the depth of your emotional connection and the resolution of emotional and relational issues are the #1 prerequisites for better sex.
The more unresolved emotions in your relationship, the worse your sex life will be.
If these are out of whack, you likely aren’t having sex – or at least, authentic, connected, and beautiful sex in the ways that will fulfill both of you.
One of the specific areas that affects your relationship and sex life most is emotional safety – how safe your partner feels with you, and how safe you feel with each other. To be your full, authentic selves, to open up emotionally, and to support one another’s emotional worlds, unconditionally, without shame or disconnection.
Your job is to start identifying where these problems are arising and working towards healing them.
Even if you think you already know what they are, it is best to write them all out so you can get very clear on them – and discuss them with her. She might have other ideas or see things differently than you do, so it is worth checking in with her about these and getting clear on them together.
Discussion Questions
Here are some journal prompts to reflect on for this chapter:
- I sometimes feel (or get) angry at my partner because…
- I sometimes feel ashamed in my relationship because…
- The areas in my relationship where I face the most conflict are…