Summary
How couples co-regulate and create emotional safety together, and how this impacts the “spark” and flow of love
Lesson notes
In Greek mythology, Eros is the god of love. He is the fire that awakens intimacy and the mysterious current that makes us feel alive in the presence of another
We often refer to eros as the “spark” between us in relationship.
Eros flows within your third field, the energetic bubble that the two of you share and exist within in your relationship. It contains all of your emotions, nervous system states, experiences (past and current), and how they influence one another.
A lot of couples have third fields that are very murky and congested. This is a result of unresolved emotional issues - within yourselves, and between one another.
It is challenging work, but these untended things in your third field are what make you feel disconnected and reduce the spark - and what you must work on individually and collectively in order to heal.
The first step you can take is to improve your nervous system regulation (being able to notice when you feel unsafe and calm yourself down) so that you can stay with uncomfortable emotions as they arise – in yourself and in her.
Discussion Questions
Here are some journal prompts to reflect on:
- How do we make each other feel safe, heard, and validated? How do we make one another feel unsafe, not heard, and invalidated?
- Where do we trigger each other? What happens when that plays out? How do you each respond to these triggers?
- What are some small ways you can start improving how eros flows between you by regulating your nervous system or connecting with your partner more intentionally?